I didn’t know.
But I kept picking at my food, only forcing a couple of bites at the end before they cleared out the Hall and sent us to our dorms.
I had yet to be transferred to a room with other students, so I headed up the stairs and to my room, trying not to think of Byron, of what he might be doing in that moment. Had he claimed someone before?
No.
I shouldn’t care.
It didn’t matter.
I shook my head and reached for my key before sliding it into the door and unlocking it.
I stepped inside, a strong metallic scent clinging in the air. I frowned, flipping on the lights, trying to figure out what was giving off the scent.
Until I saw it.
Until I saw her.
Lucy.
Except…not Lucy.
There was little of her left.
Her desecrated body painted my floors red, her lifeless eyes staring up at the ceiling, a silent scream dead on her chapped lips.
Embyrlyn
I might have had a couple of drinks before I got to the tavern. I might have snuck it from the kitchens when no one was looking. And I might have had much more than I could tolerate.
But.
I had finally made my decision. Tonight, I was going to lose my virginity, and then I could go on this mission, rescue Dade, and make him fall in love with me the way I always wanted him to.
How I even managed to get to the tavern, I had no idea. Maybe the chill in the air sobered me just enough to get me to move. Otherwise, there was a good chance I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. I wasn’t this brave. Sure, I could look another, bigger wolf in the face and yearn to inflict bodily harm, but walking into a tavern full of strangers, offering myself to them on a silver platter was something I never thought I’d do.
I needed another drink.
I turned back to the bartender, lifting my arm so I could order another one, when a hand was placed on the small of my back. I jumped, snapping my head to the right. My instincts immediately kicked in, and I grabbed the hand’s wrist and proceeded to tug it up.
“Gods above!” a voice croaked out. “I thought you wanted —“
My eyes widened. He wanted to…
Oh.
Granted, I should have known better. What did I expect?
“Uh, sorry.” I released his wrist instantly, but he scowled and muttered some sort of obscenity under his breath.
I shook my head. What the hell was I doing? Kazu’s voice was in my head and I couldn’t seem to get it out. Was I really doing the right thing by losing my virginity to someone in this tavern? Was it really better to do it this way on the chance that I might be forced to lose it in a brutal way on the mission?
I was in over my head, and I was supposed to be an Elite. What was wrong with me?
“Hey.”
I glanced to my right, fingers still knitted in my hair. A guy, maybe a little older than I was, gave me a small wave.
“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked, siddling closer to me.
He wasn’t terrible looking, and one sniff indicated he was a human. A chiseled jaw, a good amount of height, and broad shoulders, made up the man. His eyes were a brown and his blond hair fell into his face in this careless kind of way that probably took a decent amount of time to style.
“Um, sure,” I said, my heart racing in my chest.
What the hell was I doing? I had no idea what it was like to flirt or to be cool when it came to the mating game. I always thought me and Dade were fated, and while things had progressed within wolf culture that inspired females to take action rather than waiting for the stars to match up worthy pairs between us, I liked to believe the stars had matched me with Dade. He was the one I wanted to give myself to. He was the only person I wanted to be with.
And now…
Now, there was a chance for me to find him, to stop him on his bloodthirsty quest for revenge, and it would mean sacrificing myself in order to do so.
Was that love? Making sacrifices? To show him how much I cared? To show him I was worthy of his love?
But he wouldn’t even know.
And honestly, I couldn’t say for sure if he even cared.
“So.” The human mlke cleared his throat, and the uptick in his heartbeat alerted me to his nervousness.
If the circumstances were different, I would have laughed. Here I was, offering myself on a silver platter, and this good looking guy, who could probably get any girl he set his sights on, was nervous. About me. It didn’t make any sense.
“Um, I guess I should introduce myself,” he said slowly. He lifted his hand, trying to get the bartender’s attention, all while avoiding my eyes. “I’m Xander, and —“
“And you want to have sex with me.” The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them.
Quite frankly, I didn’t even care. My head was filled with bubbles and I liked that this guy was nervous. I liked that someone was actually nervous around me. I never thought I had that kind of power as the cute girl next door, but maybe it was the mere mention of sex?
Who knew?
Who cared?
“Wha—?” He snapped his arm up so he could scratch the back of his head. “Well, I mean—“
“It’s okay,” I said, leaning closer to him. My shoulder bumped his but it felt like too much effort to move it at this point. Plus, it was warm. “My sensei said I needed to have sex in order to…we’ll, I can’t tell you because it’s a secret — a big one — but as unfortunate as admitting Kazu-sensei is right, I think he might be right.”
“What?” He glanced around himself, like there was a chance I was talking to someone else.
“No, hear me out.” I leaned even further into him. “I mean, would you rather lose your virginity because someone forced you to lose it? Or would you lose it to a stranger of your choice? See? It’s compelling, isn’t it? And he’s right. I hate it. I hate that he’s right. Because I think I’d rather choose to lose it to a stranger but, I mean, it still sucks because I don’t know you. And here I am, offering myself to you. You probably think I’m easy, don’t you?”
“No way,” he said quickly. “I, uh, I get it.”
The bartender popped his head up. “What can I get for you?”
“An ale,” Xander said. “Actually, make that two.”
“Actually,” a distinctively familiar voice said from behind me. “Make that one.”
Without warning, long fingers curled around my wrist, pulling me backwards. I was tipsier than expected, and offered little resistance to the tug, which meant I wound up bumping into Kazu-sensei himself. And one look at his slate-grey eyes was enough for me to see just how furious he was.
“Kazu-sensei!” I exclaimed, because apparently I wasn’t intimidated by The White Wolf when I had had too many to drink. “We were just talking about you! I was just telling Xander—“
“Embyrlyn,” he said in his usual calm, low, curt voice. “Shut up.” His eyes were focused on Xander. “You. If I see you around her again, I will turn your skin to ribbon and paint this tavern with your blood, understand?”
“Kazu-sensei!” I screeched. “What are you doing — besides killing my buzz! I’m just doing what you said —“