We burst into manic laughter again, but it was quickly interrupted by car noises outside. Brakes squealed, and doors opened and slammed shut.
Mel’s eyes widened. She jumped to her feet and bolted to the window. “No, he can’t be doing this! He promised he wouldn’t!”
“What’s wrong?” Jess asked her.
“My stupid brother brought his good-for-nothing friends here, and judging by the number of cars and people in front of our house, this isn’t just some small gathering.” She grunted. “He said he wouldn’t do that! Our parents are having a difficult time, and they strictly forbade him from pulling this kind of stunt.”
I bit my lip, feeling sorry for Melissa’s current family situation. Her parents hadn’t had a good relationship lately, and despite trying to get over their differences, they were becoming more distanced from each other. They had even mentioned divorce, but for Melissa’s sake, I hoped they wouldn’t do it. According to Mel, they couldn’t get along because they disagreed on Steven’s upbringing, among other things. He was more troublesome than ever, but in spite of that, Mrs. Brooks defended him and refused to be stricter with him.
“Maybe they won’t make any mess,” Jess said to calm her down.
“Are you kidding me? Those junkies and alcoholics always fuck something up.” She looked through the window and groaned loudly.
“What?” I asked her.
“This is just great. Those idiots from your school are here too.” My heart squeezed painfully.
“Hayden?” I blurted out, unable to stop myself from asking.
“That asshole too.”
My heartbeat reached a wild tempo. Hayden was here.
“No. I won’t let Steven do this,” Mel muttered and made a beeline for the door.
I stood up. “Wait! Where are you going?”
“I’m going to make them leave.”
I gaped at her. “You can’t be serious.”
“Watch me,” she said and dashed out, not caring that she was only in her skull-patterned black pajamas.
Jess’s brows knit together. “What is she going to do?”
I went to the window to see who these people were and peeked through it so Hayden wouldn’t catch me looking if he was down there. However, everyone was already inside.
We couldn’t let Melissa deal with all of them alone. She was drunk and didn’t care about the consequences, which was a sign of trouble.
“She might make a mess, seeing how drunk she is. We can’t let her go there alone,” I said, already reaching for the door.
“But we’re in our pajamas!” She pointed at my baby blue pajamas with a print of a white bunny on my chest.
My eyes skimmed over Jess’s pink pajamas with a picture of an ice cream cone on the front. I’d rather we weren’t dressed like this, but there was no time to change.
I took her by the hand with a reassuring smile. “I know, but we can’t waste any more time.”
She smiled back and squeezed my hand. “You’re right. Let’s go.”
We left Mel’s room and headed to the stairs. I felt anxious despite my alcoholic daze, carefully listening for any sounds from the first floor. I was nervous about meeting all those people, especially considering the way I was dressed, but most of all, I was nervous about seeing Hayden again. I had no idea how he would react when he saw me.
My heart beat loudly in my ears as we went down the stairs, my social phobia kicking in. It was getting stronger the closer I was to all those strangers because I was afraid I would start blushing and make a fool of myself. Or worse—they would do something to humiliate me. The old worry that Hayden would do something to me returned, even though he’d paid me no attention these last two months.
My chest ached at the bitter reality. It was ironic how I’d always wanted Hayden to leave me alone and let me live in peace, but when he finally did that, I felt hurt and dejected. I didn’t have the right to feel this way. I’d been the one who pushed those cruel words out of me, emotionally exhausted and too confused to deal with the maelstrom I was in.
Hayden had said I didn’t exist for him anymore, and he stayed true to his words. He didn’t even look at me, let alone speak to me. Actually, I rarely saw him because he skipped school a lot. When he didn’t, he often came with bruises on his face, which told me he was fighting a lot more lately. He suffered a shoulder injury when Josh stabbed him that night in my house, and he was supposed to let it heal properly, not damage it more in fights.
I was worried about him. I didn’t want him to suffer, physically or mentally. I’d already caused more than enough damage in the hospital.
When I was discharged, I researched Hayden’s disorder. Hayden had borderline personality disorder, and after several sleepless nights I spent on countless websites, BPD forums, and YouTube channels of people with BPD, I finally realized I’d made a serious mistake. I didn’t choose my words wisely or take his feelings into consideration when I rejected him. I acted like he wasn’t important at all, making him feel even less secure and extremely vulnerable after he’d opened his heart to me. I felt guilty for lying and reacting harshly.
I knew I made the right choice then, but my heart didn’t want to listen to logic. It didn’t want to take into account all those awful memories of Hayden. It didn’t care about my fears and scars. It just wanted to love him and make him happy.
Enough, Sarah. You’re with Mateo, and he doesn’t deserve this.
I held my breath when we reached the first floor, but there was no one in the living room. Rock music blared from Steven’s entertainment room, so we headed there.
The huge entertainment room contained a small bar, pool table, two red leather sectional sofas, an enormous flat-screen TV on a wine-red wall, and a stereo system with speakers in every corner. Steven frequently brought his pals there to smoke pot when his parents weren’t home, much to Mel’s displeasure.
The door was wide open, and the shiver-inducing melody of Linkin Park’s “Easier to Run” mixed with the loud voices.
“Steven, get your sleazy ass up and throw these people out,” Mel shrieked. I glanced at Jess, recognizing in her the same anxiety I felt.
“And no, asshole! You’re not going to play fricking pool. Get out of my house,” Mel screamed again, more furiously, and Jess and I rushed inside.
The room was dimly lit, bathed in red light coming from the recessed linear lights in the ceiling, and I had to strain to see through the clouds of cigarette smoke that curled around the lounging people. Melissa stood next to the pool table confronting Masen Brown.
Sweat broke out on my skin when the guys nearest to us started staring at Jessica and me. Their eyes widened when they took in our pajamas, and I felt completely naked. I swallowed hard and looked around the room, skimming over the people until I finally found the one I was looking for.
My heart skipped a beat; a rush of desirous, bitter feelings twirled inside me, drowning me in their intensity. Hayden was sitting on a couch next to the bar with a redhead girl straddling him. His face, which sported a few fresh bruises near his left eye, was buried in her neck, and he kissed her slowly, but his searing eyes were trained on me over her shoulder. I couldn’t even breathe as his dark, indecipherable eyes slid down my body, and I waited... I waited...