“Would it matter?”
He shook his head.
I gulped. Yeah, didn’t think so.
He served two-and-a-half years in prison because of me. And not just him. His best friends, Damon Torrance and Kai Mori, too.
I dropped my eyes for a moment, knowing he didn’t deserve it, but I also knew I wouldn’t have done anything differently if I could. I’d told him to stay away from me. I’d warned him.
“I wish I’d never met you,” I said, almost whispering.
He stopped, glass grinding under him. “Believe me, girl, the feeling is fucking mutual.”
I backed up, but my hand brushed my leg, and I felt something in my pocket. I continued making my way for the fridge, but I reached into my pants and pulled out the hunk of metal, seeing a folding knife with a black handle.
Where did this come from?
I didn’t carry knives.
I dropped the net and unsheathed the blade, holding it out in front of me, but he shot out and grabbed my wrist, prying my fingers open. I fought against it, trying to keep the weapon, but he was too strong. I cried out as I couldn’t hold it anymore and it fell to the floor, clanking on the marble.
Whipping me around, he fisted my collar and brought me in, pinning me between his body and the counter.
He looked down into my eyes, and I breathed hard, a lock of hair brushing against my mouth.
“You like alphas?” he challenged me.
I sharpened my eyes on him. “We want what we want.”
He glared, those words far more familiar than he wanted to remember, and if I weren’t so fucking scared, I’d laugh.
Growling, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. “Time to meet one then,” he said.
Emory
Nine Years Ago
“Why are you quitting?”
I stood there, avoiding my coach’s eyes as I gripped the strap of my bookbag that hung across my chest.
“I don’t have time,” I told her. “I’m sorry.”
I risked a glance, seeing her gaze hard on me under the short blonde hair hanging just over her eyes. “You made a commitment,” she argued. “We need you.”
I shifted on my feet, a curtain of self-loathing covering every inch of me.
This was shitty. I knew that.
I was good at swimming. I could help the team, and she put a lot of work into training me over the last year. I didn’t want to quit.
But she’d just have to deal with it. I couldn’t explain, even if not explaining meant that she’d misunderstand my silence as being irresponsible and selfish.
The voices of all the girls outside the office filled the locker room as they got ready for practice, and I felt her eyes on me, waiting for a response.
It was useless, though. I wasn’t going to change my mind.
“Is there something else going on?” she asked.
I squeezed the strap across my chest, the fabric cutting into my hand.
But I drew a deep breath and pushed my glasses back up the bridge of my nose, straightening my spine. “No one’s giving me a scholarship for swimming,” I spat out. “I need to spend my time doing things that will get me into college. This was a waste.”
Before she could fire back, or the look on her face made this hurt worse, I spun around and pulled open her door, leaving her office.
Tears lodged in my throat, but I pushed them down.
This sucked. I was going to pay for this. It wasn’t over. I knew that.
But I had no choice.
The ache in my back fired up as I stalked through the locker room, and I slammed my hand into the door, feeling the pain in my wrist shoot up my arm before stepping into the hallway.
But I pushed through it, ignoring the discomfort as I headed down the nearly empty corridor.
I was glad I got out of there before she asked why I wasn’t quitting band, too. Band wouldn’t get me into college, either. I wasn’t that good.
It was just all I had left now that got me out of the house, and I didn’t have to wear a swimsuit to do it.
I chewed on my lip, a ten-ton truck sitting on my shoulders as I stared at the floor. I headed for my locker without looking where I was going, because I’d walked this path a million times. Just keep it together. Time would pass. Life would move on. I was heading in the right direction.
Just keep going.
A few students milled around the halls, here early because of clubs or other sports, and I reached my locker, dialing in the combination. It was still a bit before the first class started, but I could go hide in the library to kill time. It was better than being home.
Emptying my bag of my math and physics that I’d finished last night, I pulled my binder, my lit book, my copy of Lolita, and my Spanish text from my locker, holding everything in one arm as I dug on the top shelf for my pencil bag.
He was going to find out I’d quit. Maybe I had a few days’ peace before that happened, but a knot tightened in my stomach, and I could still taste the coppery cut in my mouth from two days ago.
He was going to find out. He wouldn’t want me to quit swimming, and pointing out why I had to would only make him angrier.
I blinked a few times, no longer really searching for my pens or pencils as the searing pain under my hair from the other night raced across my scalp again.
I hadn’t cried when he pulled it.
But I retreated. I always flinched.
Laughter went off somewhere down the hall, and I glanced over, seeing some students loitering against the lockers. Girls in their school uniforms, skirts rolled up much shorter than the three inches above the knee we were allowed, and blouses too tight under their navy blue jackets.
I narrowed my eyes.
With heads together and smiling as they joked around with the guys, the whole group looked about as shallow as a rain puddle. Never deep enough to be more than what it was.
Shallow, boring, tedious, ignorant, and insipid. All the rich kids here were like that.
I watched Kenzie Lorraine lean into Nolan Thomas, her mouth moving over his like she was melting into him. She whispered against his lips, and his white teeth flashed through his little grin before he slid his hands around her waist and leaned back against the lockers. My heart skipped a small beat, and I felt my pencil bag, absently sliding it into my satchel without taking my eyes off them.
Shallow, boring, tedious, ignorant, and insipid.
I blinked, my expression softening as I watched them.
Happy, excited, brave, wild, and in heaven.
They looked seventeen.
And suddenly, for a moment, I wished I was them. Anyone other than me. No wonder hardly anyone at this school liked me. I was even tired of myself.
Wouldn’t it be fantastic to be really happy for just five minutes?
Her friends hung around, talking to his, but I only saw him and her, wondering how it felt. Even if it wasn’t true love, it had to feel good to be wanted.
But just then, Nolan opened his eyes. He looked over at me, meeting my gaze head on as if he knew I was here the whole time. The vein in my neck pounded, and I was frozen.
Shit.
He didn’t stop kissing her, though, holding my eyes as they moved together. Then…he winked at me, and I could see his smile through the kiss.
I rolled my eyes and looked away. Great. Emory Scott was a pervert. That’s what he’d say. Just what I needed.
I turned back to my locker, embarrassed, and slammed the door.