“Thought you quit smoking.”
I squinted my eyes toward the sun and looked up at Oliver. I exhaled a drag while he sat down next to me.
“I did. A couple of cigarettes a day isn’t smoking. Not the way a smoker smokes, anyway.”
He smiled, grabbed the pack, and lit one for himself.
“You’ve stepped into some shit, haven’t you?”
I guess that was as good a term as any for being suddenly in charge of a nineteen-year-old girl who was nothing like the child she used to be. But I remembered right away all that Oliver had done for me. He taught me how to ride a bike. He got his nose busted in a fight when we were studying in Brisbane, a fight I got him into. I sighed and snuffed out my cigarette on the ground.
“We’ll work it out fine,” I said.
“Leah can take her bike to school. She usually spends her free time shut up in her room. I can’t get her out of there, you know… Hopefully everything will go back to normal. She’s got some rules; I’ll tell you about those later. I’ll be here every month, and…”
“Relax, it doesn’t sound that complicated.”
It wouldn’t be for me, not the same way it had been for him. All I’d have to do is get used to living with someone, which I hadn’t done for years, and keep control. Control over myself. The rest we would work out on the fly. After the accident, Oliver had felt obligated to give up the carefree lifestyle he and I had known when we were growing up to become his sister’s guardian, and work in a field he didn’t care for but that gave him a good salary and stability.
My friend sucked in a breath and looked at me.
“You’ll take care of her, right?”
“Shit, of course I will.”
“Good, because Leah…is the only thing I have left.”
I nodded, and with one look, we understood each other: he was calm and knew I would do everything in my power to make sure Leah was happy, and I realized I was probably the person Oliver trusted most.
5
_________
Axel
Oliver smiled and raised his glass.
“To good friends!” he shouted.
I toasted with him and took a sip of the cocktail they had just served us. It was the last Saturday before Oliver left for Sydney, and I had insisted we go out for a bit. We had ended up in the same place as always, at Cavvanbah, an open-air bar on the edge of town near the seashore. It was named after the aborigines’ term for the area, and it meant “meeting place,” which summed up the spirit and identity of Byron Bay. The building where they served the drinks and the few tables were painted an island blue that matched the thatched roof, the palm trees, and the swings hanging from the ceiling around the bar.
“I can’t believe I’m going.”
I nudged him and he laughed humorlessly.
“It’ll just be a year, and you’ll come back every month.”
“And Leah, fuck, Leah…”
“I’ll take care of her,” I repeated. I’d been saying the same words all day since that morning when I opened the door for him and we worked out our plan. “We’ve always done this, right? Stay above water, get ahead, that’s what it’s all about.”
He rubbed his face and sighed. “If only it was that simple.”
“It is. Come on, let’s have some fun.” I got up after one last sip. “I’m going for two more; you want the same?”
Oliver nodded, and I walked away from the table, stopping a few times to greet acquaintances. It was a small town, and almost all of us knew each other, even if just by sight. I leaned on the bar and smiled when Madison grimaced after serving drinks to the two people next to me.
“Back for more? You trying to get drunk?”
“I don’t know. Depends. If I do, will you take advantage of me?”
Madison suppressed a smile while she grabbed a bottle. “Would you like me to?”
“Always, you know that.”
She looked me dead in the eye as she pushed the glasses forward. “You want me to wait for you, or you have plans?”
“I’ll be here when you wrap up.”
Oliver and I spent the rest of the night drinking and reminiscing. About that time we called his father because we were drunk on the beach, and instead of picking us up and taking us home, he decided to draw us in his sketchbook while we were laid out, then copied the picture and hung it all over my house and the Joneses’ to remind us of what idiots we’d been. Or another time when we got into trouble in Brisbane buying pot: We smoked until I was completely gone, and then, giggling, I threw the keys to the apartment we were sharing into the sea. Oliver went to look for them fully dressed, high as a kite, while I was on the shore cracking up.
In those days, we promised each other we would always live this way, the way we did in the place where we’d grown up, which was so simple, relaxed, anchored in surfing and counterculture.
I looked at Oliver and held back a sigh before finishing my drink.
“I’m going to go; I don’t want to leave her alone any longer,” he said.
“Okay.” I laughed when I watched him stumble getting up, and he flipped me the bird and tossed a few bills on the table. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“We’ll talk,” he responded.
I spent a while there with a group of friends. Gavin talked to us about his new girlfriend, a tourist who had arrived two months back and wound up staying indefinitely. Jake told us three or four times about the design of his new surfboard. Tom just drank and listened to the others. I stopped thinking while the place cleared out in the early morning hours. When the last customer left, I walked around the building, opened the back door, and snuck in.
“Remind me again why I’m so patient.”
Madison smiled, closed the blinds, and came over with a sensual smile on her lips. Her fingers wove through the loops on my jeans, and she pulled me close until our half-open mouths collided.
“Because I make it worth your while,” she purred.
“Refresh my memory.”
I took off her skimpy top. She wasn’t wearing a bra. Madison rubbed against me before unbuttoning my fly and kneeling slowly. When her open mouth took me in, I closed my eyes, leaning my hands on the wall in front of me. I sank my fingers in her hair, trying to get her to go faster, deeper. I was about to come when she stepped back. I put on a rubber. Then I sank inside her against the wall, ramming her, shivering every time I heard her say my name, feeling the moment: the pleasure, the sex, the need. That was everything. And it was perfect.
February
* * *
(SUMMER)
6
_________
Leah
I kept looking at my joined hands while the car drove over the dirt road and the afternoon sun tinted the sky orange. I didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to see the color, or anything else that would bring back the memories and dreams I had left behind.
“Don’t make it hard on Axel; he’s doing us a big favor, you realize that, right, Leah? And eat. Try to be good, okay? Tell me what you’re up to.”