Jake texts me later that night. All it says is, Thanks for dinner. Sorry about… you know. It wasn’t what you think.
Um, sure.
I’m so tortured by what I overheard, I can’t sleep or eat. It’s so pathetic, I want to bury myself in a deep hole and wallow in shame.
For the next few days, I can’t bring myself to go over there. I bail on babysitting twice, but make sure someone fills in so it doesn’t screw up Kota’s schedule. It’s not her fault I’m in love with her boyfriend.
Deep down, I know I can’t go on like this. I can’t deal with their sex life or references to Jake’s giant member or the fact he trips all over himself to do things for Kota, who acts like he owes her.
If I’d gotten knocked up at a party, perhaps I’d feel the same way, but as a bystander and his friend, it’s hard to watch.
I grab the envelope I hid under my laptop.
Charlotte Darling, welcome to Lone Star State University! Attached you’ll find everything you need to make your transition to our fine institution.
Lone Star State has always been my dream school. Jake’s too. But after my sister got pregnant, she argued we should stay close to home so our families could help with the baby. Even though I resisted for a while, I couldn’t really say no when Kota begged me to attend North Texas U with her and Jake.
If all that babysitting I do is any indication, my nephew is my Achilles’ heel. Because the last thing I wanted was to tag along while the guy I’d been infatuated with for years dated my sister.
And yet that’s exactly what I did.
But no matter how frustrated I am, I’m not sure I can pull the trigger. Can I really bail on my sister, nephew, and best friend?
Maybe if I set some clear boundaries and make sure I’m never at their apartment in the evenings, I can decrease the odds of overhearing Jake and my sister having sex.
I’m so torn up about everything, I take a shower and cry into the tile until the water runs cold. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. I obviously can’t tell my sister, who used to be my main confidante. I can’t tell my best friend I’m in love with him when he’s very seriously committed to Kota. And my mother would freak out if I even suggested I had feelings for Jake.
Plus, I’m not a home-wrecker. I would never do anything to come between Jake and my sister.
But I need someone to talk to.
It’s a depressing thought—I’ve been at NTU for an entire year and literally have no friends here. I’ve been too busy babysitting my nephew to have any kind of social life. I’m gone so much I barely see my suitemate.
You know how you can erase your computer and reset it to the factory settings? That’s what I need to do with my life. I need to start over.
But how?
A few days later, my laptop chimes. Without looking, I know it’s my sister. It’s much earlier than she usually calls, but I’ve been MIA lately, so maybe it’s thrown her off too.
Every week, we video-chat so Kota can plan out her social media. You’d think having a kid would slow her down, but if anything, it’s only made her more focused on building her online following, which is now two million strong.
I prefer doing our calls by video so I don’t have to haul my crap over to her apartment. She gets mad when I forget to bring one of her calendars or social media planners, and the last thing I’m in the mood for is an argument.
As much as I shudder at the thought of displaying my whole life online, I admire her focus and drive. It’s probably why Kota and Jake got together. He’s been singularly focused on playing D1 football since he was a kid, and now he’s living his dream. I’m so proud of him. Both of them, really. They have a bright future ahead of them, and I’ll always cheer the loudest for their success.
After taking a deep breath, I accept the call and my sister’s face fills the screen.
“Hey, loser. Did you edit those pics? I need them by noon.” She leans over her dressing table and flicks on some mascara. She’s wearing some kind of sheer, lacy lingerie and her boobs are spilling out.
I manage to stop myself before glancing down at my modest chest. Comparison is the thief of joy, Charlotte. You’ll never be Dakota. That’s okay. You do you.
“Yes, I uploaded the pics to your drive last night.”
“Did they include the ones of me and the baby napping? The ones where the light is filtering in from the window? It made my skin look really good.”
“Yes.”
She pauses applying her makeup and turns to face me. “Are you over… your stomach bug?”
The look she gives me makes me think she knows the real reason I bailed, and I feel horrible for lying, but I needed to tell her something plausible. Something that would help me save face the next time I see Jake, which I hope isn’t for a few weeks because I need to lock down my emotions first. “Mostly.”
“Good, because I don’t want you to give me the shits.”
Feeling my ears go hot, I’m grateful no one is around to overhear her. I swear I’m the only person she talks to like this. With everyone else, she’s as sweet as pie. Well, she’s snarky with Jake, but having a baby just before college and then trying to get through freshman year as a parent while your boyfriend plays D1 football is not a cakewalk.
Still, she was never mean before she starred in three seasons of Winchester Prep High. I swear those producers turned her into a snob.
I miss my sister. The one who always shared her toys and clothes with me. The one who gave the neighbor kid a shiner when he kicked sand in my face. She’s in there somewhere, and I’m not giving up until I find her again.
We talk about the plan for the week. She keeps glancing backwards and eventually angles the screen until she’s mostly cropped out.
“Kota, I can’t see—”
“Hold on.” She mutes herself. I can see her profile. She’s saying something, but I can’t hear the words.
That’s when it happens.
The bathroom door behind her swings open, and Jake steps out through a billowing cloud of steam.
Freshly washed and completely naked.
I blink, a strangled whimper lodging in my throat.
Holy crap. He’s perfect.
I knew he was beautiful, but my fantasies fall short of the reality. His wet hair falls in his face as he towels off. First his damp locks. Then his wide, muscular chest. Down his washboard abs. And finally his groin where an enormous erection bounces against his stomach.
I’m frozen until the sound mysteriously pops back on again, and his deep voice fills my room. “Let’s make this quick, Dakota. I gotta jet.”
They’re definitely going to fuck.
“Oh God.” I slam my laptop shut. My hands are shaking as I fling it away from me.
Nausea sweeps over me so hard, I barely make it to the trash can before I lose my breakfast.
Five minutes later, my phone buzzes from my nightstand, but I ignore it. The calls and texts keep coming. I don’t bother to check them because nothing my sister or Jake say will change my pathetic situation.
Later that afternoon, Jake knocks on my door, calls my name, apologizes for not knowing I was on a video conference with my sister. My suitemate thinks I’m home, but since I don’t answer, they decide I must be out. I don’t budge from where I sit on the floor with a box of tissues.