He crowded me with his slimmer body. Gripped my chin and pointed my gaze over his shoulder. “Door’s open. An exit right there that takes you onto the street. You wanna stop . . . you wanna go, don’t hesitate. It’s okay.”
What the hell my face was doing to make him think I needed an evacuation plan, I had no idea. I didn’t want to think about it. I wanted—fuck. What did I want? I’d never done this, with any man, and in my head, it had always played out a certain way. But this dude? Goddamn. His sure hands and easy gaze made me want to hug a wall and get banged.
It made me want to kiss him, something else I hadn’t accounted for. Did dudes even do that?
Not knowing made me feel fifteen again, but the way Folk was looking at me made me feel invincible.
He was still holding my jaw. I leaned into the touch, craving the scrape of his rough fingertips. And he gave it to me, edging closer until his lips brushed mine in a kiss far sweeter than the one in my head.
Softer.
Slower.
How something that lit me on fire could calm me down, I had no clue, but as Folk deepened the kiss, his tongue gently invading my willing mouth, my heart began to thump for a different reason.
A better one.
Anxiety faded, and the burning heat of desire washed over me. I kissed him back, letting my body collide with his in a slow grind, my hands seeking a cautious grip on his muscled flank—his slim hips, my thumbs finding hot, bare skin beneath his olive-green T-shirt.
We both wore faded jeans.
I hooked my little fingers into his belt loops and tugged him even tighter against me. His rock-hard abs hit mine and I couldn’t swallow the moan that escaped my lips.
Still kissing me, Folk smiled. “This is what you want?”
It was more than what I wanted. But in this moment, want and need swirled together so fast they became indistinct. I squeezed his hips, thrusting mine a little, seeking out friction with little conscious thought, fresh sweat beading my neck and my temples.
Do I want this?
Yeah. I did. More than anything.
Did I understand how I’d lived my whole adult life without it?
That was a hard no, and the only answer I had for Folk was a harsher kiss and braver hands. Shorter breath as he pushed me against the wall, one hand braced on the rough plaster, the other descending lower, palming me through the worn denim of my jeans.
His grip on my dick held a purpose I was unprepared for. A surety that blew my mind. I wanted to touch him too, but after half a decade of my ex telling me I was inadequate in every possible way, my courage deserted me.
I slid my hands up his torso instead, palms skating over the ridges and bumps of his chiselled abs. His ribs. Roaming every inch of his sun-warmed skin until my fingers hit metal—they hit steel—and traced the shape so familiar it took a second to compute what it was.
What it meant.
Tags.
Fuck.
Fuck.
My eyes flew open in the same moment a shocked breath ripped from his chest, forcing us apart.
Folk reared back.
I flattened myself against the wall, hand flying to my lips as if I could rub the last five minutes away. “You’re military?”
Breathing hard, Folk nodded. “You too?”
I had no words. Just a blind, panicked stare as the terror I’d brought into this encounter returned full force. As stupidity blew through me like a virus. Of course he was a soldier. We were wearing identical clothes. Green T-shirts and military-issued boots. Jeans that had followed us on every deployment since we’d enlisted. Only his hair threw me. It was too long for him to be a regular grunt . . .
Oh holy hell. He was special forces.
Had to be. SBS, Z Squadron if the rumours on base were true.
The realisation hit home as Folk’s gaze dropped to the tattoo on my forearm. The insignia of my own regiment, blown out and crude, stamped into my skin like a brand.
He shook his head. “Can’t believe I didn’t see that. That’s how hot you are, if it’s any consolation. You imploded my common sense.”
Folk smiled again, but it was dimmer than the one he’d dazzled me with in the bar, and the weight of disappointment was heavy in the air.
Choking.
The shaking returned to my hands, along with the spirit-sucking need to escape.
The fire exit was three strides away. Beyond the door to the oppressive room.
Beyond Folk.
Pushing past him felt impossible. And because he was clearly destined to be the soulmate who got away, he saw it and stepped aside.
It was my moment to run. To put my head down and get gone. But leaving him and abandoning the clarity he’d gifted me with his gentle wisdom and wicked mouth—it cut me to the bone.
Grief swamped my heart for something that could never happen. I needed to go before the terror building inside me gave me a bloody heart attack, but my feet felt cemented to the floor, my legs dead weights screwed into my hips.
“Go on,” Folk murmured. “Before I change my mind and do something that’ll get us both in trouble.”
I’d never tell anyone. Who would I tell? Jammo? Crofty? The weird transfer from the 2nd Battalion who smelled like old socks and Joop? Of course I wouldn’t. But Folk didn’t know that. And he was right. Homosexuality had been permitted in the military since the turn of the century, but living that reality out in the open? Banging a lance corporal from the next barracks over?
Nope.
I couldn’t speak for Folk, but I didn’t have the stones. Trouble was, I didn’t have the heart to leave either. I willed my feet to move, and something wrenched inside me. Something as deep-rooted as the need to be here in the first place. Life had hurt my soul over the last few months, but this felt mortal, and I couldn’t see past it.
I’d been told all my life that I was hard to read. Shut down. Selfish with my emotions. But somehow Folk interpreted my silent inaction for what it was. He dragged his gaze from the floor and latched onto mine, the moon blue of his gentle eyes as compelling as it had been in the bar. “You need to go, Seth. I can’t leave you in this grotty room and feel good about it. And we can’t stay.”
I knew that. And maybe I couldn’t leave him in this grotty room either. Maybe that was the weight in my legs and the lump in my throat.
Or maybe it was the way he said my name, his velvet voice wrapping around that one syllable like it fucking mattered.
I took a step in the same moment he did. We collided again, but softer this time, his kiss and mine laced with regret. Over before the volume cranked up too loud.
Breathing hard, I rested my forehead against his, just for a moment. Then I forced myself away from him, taking the taste of his kiss with me.
I slipped through the open door and gripped the metal bar on the fire exit, bracing myself for the bustle of the outside world again. I didn’t want it. The bar was airless and oppressive, but the thought of traipsing back to the base with nothing but a stolen kiss on my lips . . . it wasn’t enough.
“Seth.”
Man, I needed him to stop saying my name, or I’d be stuck here forever.
I turned my head. Folk was leaning against the wall, stance casual, but his gaze heavy lidded and too complex for my simple brain to decipher. “Yeah?”
Folk smiled and raised a hand in a wave. “Just wanted to say, for the record, there’s nothing uninteresting about you.”