“Looks that way. Honestly, the whole time I was deployed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was wrong. Maybe this is for the best.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded, staring at the mess. “Yeah, fuck,” I said, running my hands through my hair. “I guess I missed a bullet.” I laughed lightly, but Bowie saw through it.
“You want me to stick around?”
“No, I’m good.”
But he shifted from one foot to the other. “You know, I don’t feel like making the drive back to my place tonight. Maybe I’ll just hang out here.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Bowie, it’s all good.”
“Yeah, but you have a shit ton of stuff to clean up. I don’t mind helping.”
I sighed, staring around at the destruction. Truth be told, I wasn’t looking forward to cleaning it up alone. “Thanks, man.”
“No problem. Go find out what you can. I’ll start…tossing shit out.”
I nodded and headed for the garage door. With any luck, my truck was still in the garage. Relief flooded me when I saw it was still there. I grabbed the keys and headed out. I would have answers soon enough.
All Curled Up
I stared up at the sign as I parked in front of the salon. I dreaded going inside and hearing whatever Jenna had to tell me. I hadn’t even bothered to check my accounts yet. If she left, did she bleed me dry? Before I looked into that, I needed answers. I shoved the door open and headed inside. All heads looked in my direction as the tinkling of the bell overhead.
Jenna’s face morphed into a smile when she saw me. She abandoned the woman in her chair and came running over to me, engulfing me in a hug. “Duke! Why didn’t you tell us you were coming home? Look at you! No bullet wounds that I can see. Oh, I wish I had known. I would have driven out to get you.”
I cleared my throat, broaching the uncomfortable subject. “I sort of thought Carolyn would be there.”
Her face fell instantly. “Oh…I thought…”
“You thought what?”
She sighed, pulling me away from prying ears. “Duke, she’s gone.”
“I saw the note. You thought she would have called?” I asked sarcastically.
“An old boyfriend came back.” She rolled her eyes. “Not exactly my first choice of men for her. You would have been good for her and the boy.”
“I can’t get my mind around it,” I admitted. “I think part of me wondered if the kid was really mine, but…”
“But she married you,” she nodded. “That girl…”
“She left the place trashed. The least she could have done was pick up before she took off,” I joked.
But Jenna didn’t laugh along with me. In fact, pretty much everyone at the salon was staring at me with pity, and that just wasn’t my style. Still, I wanted to know what happened.
“Do you know where she went?”
She shook her head. “She didn’t exactly come over for tea and talk about it. She left me a note. I think she was too ashamed to face me.”
“When did this happen?”
“Not too long after the baby was born. But she did leave all the letters you wrote her.”
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Can I have them?”
“Yeah, just give me a minute.”
She hurried into the back while everyone else tried and failed to ignore me. I tried to shake off the disturbing feelings running through me, but couldn’t. I had failed. I thought I was taking care of her by marrying her. I thought I was doing the right thing, but instead, she ran off with some other guy. She let me believe I was going to be a father, but maybe it was my lack of enthusiasm that pushed her over the edge. I should have tried harder. I should have done everything possible to make my marriage work.
“Here,” Jenna said as she walked back out. She had a shoebox full of letters that she handed to me. “Those are the letters she left that were from you. And I stuck the one she wrote to me on top. I’m so sorry, Duke.”
I nodded, clearing my throat. “Thank you. I appreciate this.”
“Don’t be a stranger. If you need anything, just stop by.”
“I will.”
I nodded at her and left the shop feeling deflated. The whole ride home, I’d been worried about seeing her, and now she was gone. I didn’t get the chance to talk through my feelings with her, or even say hello to my own kid. Fuck, he wasn’t my kid.
I got in the truck and slammed the door, staring down at the shoebox. She thought enough to save the letters, but that was it? If I hadn’t taken the year deployment, things might have been different. Maybe she would have stayed. Now the question was, did I track her down to find out why she lied to me, or did I allow her the freedom she so clearly wanted?
2
DUKE
2 years ago…
“Hey, Duke!” Jenna yelled to me as I crossed the street. “I have time to get you in!”
I chuckled at Jenna’s cajoling. She was always telling me I needed a haircut. I always kept my hair short, so even when it grew out just a half an inch, she was on me. “Thanks! Maybe another time!”
She placed her hands on her hips and shot me a mocking frown. “You’re going to look like a girl!”
I shook my head at her jab, holding up my hand to wave her off. Stopping in at the diner, I grabbed my pickup order, nodding to the hostess as I took my food. I liked to walk around town instead of driving since I didn’t live that far from anything. The house at the end of the street sat nestled in some trees, giving me some privacy from my neighbors, but still allowed me to easily get anywhere in town.
It was the same house I lived in with Carolyn for just a short time.
Call me crazy, but I couldn’t let it go. It wasn’t that I was depressed over her leaving me, or that I was hoping she would change her mind and come back to me. It was the ghost left behind.
I walked up the steps to the older home and pulled out my keys. Stepping inside every time reminded me of the day I returned from war. The house was cleaner now. There were no takeout containers littering the living room, and the hole in the wall had been patched. But I left everything in the baby’s room just as it was.
I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of any of his things. Theo. She named him after her father, something I hadn’t been part of because I wasn’t around for much of the pregnancy. Still, even today, I wondered how he was. He would be four years old now, just about to go into kindergarten.
Even though I knew he wasn’t mine I couldn’t help but wonder about the kid. Did he like dinosaurs? Did he like tinker toys? Or maybe he was a kid that liked books. If he was here with me, I’d be teaching him about motors.
I took my food to the kitchen and plopped everything on a plate, then grabbed a beer as I headed to my living room. I was exhausted after working at the garage for such long hours. During the day, it was easy to forget about what my life would have been like if Carolyn hadn’t walked out on me. I’d be home with my kid, teaching him shit and playing games. Instead, I worked hard to forget and fucked women from the bar, as long as they didn’t expect anything out of me in return.