I shake off those feelings and splash some cold water onto my face as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Sometimes, on days like today, I don’t recognize the man staring back at me. What would my mother think if she could see me now? I close my eyes as a sharp pain lances through my chest. It’s a pain that never goes away. No length of time or distance from her memory can spare me from this ache. She would certainly disapprove of my choices, but she isn’t here to tell me so. She isn’t here because someone took her from this world, and now the only recourse I have left is to find out who. At any cost. This is what keeps me going as I continue to show up and fall in line. Nothing can come between me and my revenge. Her death cannot go unpunished.
I shut the bathroom door behind me and consider heading down to the bar to dilute the blood in my veins with some good quality vodka. But before I get the opportunity, something on the sofa catches my eye. A piece of fabric peeks out from between the cushions, and I recognize it as the scarf Katerina was wearing last night. Sure enough, when I retrieve it and bring it to my nose, I can still smell her.
The beautiful, tragic woman continues to haunt me long after her absence. As I thread the fabric between my fingers, I wonder what it is about her that draws me in. She is exactly what I don’t need in my life right now. Or ever, for that matter. Women are a vulnerability. But even as I consider it, I’m already making plans to return the scarf to her. Because now I’m curious about where she lives, and I need to see it for myself. I need to know that she made it home safely.
I stuff the scarf into my jacket and retrieve my phone as I head for the elevator. Pulling up the image of her license from last night, I type the address into my navigation app. It looks like she lives in an apartment complex about twenty minutes away. It’s in the low-rent area of Philadelphia, which means it’s also the highest crime district. Naturally, I have become well acquainted with these streets, but I can’t imagine her living there.
Tightness lingers in my chest as some of the Vory brothers try to intercept me on my way out the door. The meeting has not been finished for more than thirty minutes, and already Andrei is displaying his drunken stupidity.
“Where are you off to so fast?” he demands.
“Good night, Andrei,” I answer him dismissively.
He slips off his barstool in his attempt to stand and falls flat on his ass. Laughter erupts from the men around the bar, and I seize the moment of distraction to make a swift exit. Out on the street, I slip into my Audi and start the ignition, aiming the car for Katerina’s apartment.
At least ten times during the drive, I consider turning around. Or dropping the scarf in a mailbox. Perhaps leaving it in front of her door. I could handle this at least a dozen other ways without actually seeing her because I know if I see her, I won’t be satisfied with simply giving her back the scarf. I’ll ask her questions, and she’ll become human to me. And then I will be royally fucked.
Regardless, the decision is made for me when I pull into the parking lot of the Shady Grove apartments. It’s even more of a dump than I anticipated, and I think I must have entered the address incorrectly somehow. But one glance at the picture confirms that I’m in the right place. The decrepit brick building squatting on fractured concrete looks more suited to a prison than a residence. Several scrawny children kick a sun-bleached ball around the front courtyard, eyeing me curiously as I get out and shut the door behind me. They look at my car, and then my clothing before they skitter off into one of the complexes. I can’t say that I blame them. If I saw me, I would run too.
I walk around the front and get a feel for the layout before I figure out Kat is in Building Two. Her apartment isn’t difficult to find. It’s on the ground level, and there’s a sad-looking lawn chair and a wilted plant just outside the front door. At least she tried to decorate the place, I guess.
I hesitate at the door, considering whether I should cross that threshold. I’ve already come this far, but it wouldn’t be hard to dump the scarf in the chair and leave, never to look back. I know that’s what I should do, but before I can force myself into action, a feminine voice startles me.
“What are you doing here?”
Turning, I find Katerina dressed in what appears to be a waitress uniform. She looks tired and nervous as her eyes drift to the scarf in my hands.
“Oh, thank God. I was looking everywhere for that.”
She holds out her palm to retrieve it, but I hesitate, my eyes drifting down the length of her body. She notices, and a flush creeps over the delicate skin of her throat. I swallow, and tension swells between us like a bomb ready to detonate at any moment. Christ, what is it about this girl that makes me forget what the fuck I’m even doing here?
“Did you just get home from work?” I ask to break the silence.
She nods. “Yeah, I wait tables over at the diner on Fifth. It’s nothing to write home about, but it pays the bills.”
It doesn’t look like it, but I don’t tell her so.
The apartment door creaks open, and another woman who looks older than Kat pokes her head out. “Kat? I thought that was you. Everything okay out here?”
“Hey, Rachel.” She waves at her friend. “I’m just talking to… uh…”
“Lev,” I fill in the blank.
“Right.” The blush on Kat’s face deepens. “Lev was just returning my scarf.”
“Okay.” Rachel eyes me with curiosity before she eases the door closed. “See you in a few.”
Kat nods, and the door shuts with an audible clunk. Silence lingers between us. I want to know what she’s thinking, but as it turns out, I don’t have to ask.
“I can’t believe I never even asked your name,” she blurts. “I’m so sorry if that came off as rude. But you just surprised me being here. How did you even find me, anyway?”
“Your driver’s license,” I remind her. “I went through your bag last night and confiscated the fake ID, remember?”
“Right.” She rocks back on her heels. “And then you remembered my address and drove all the way over here to bring my scarf back?”
It sounds even creepier when she says it.
“I also thought you could use a meal,” I offer lamely. “I wasn’t in the best mood this morning, and I wanted to make up for it.”
“Are you asking me to dinner?” Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
“Are you accepting?” A smile tugs at my lips, but I resist.
“Dinner would be nice, actually,” she says. “I’m starving. Could you just give me two minutes to change?”
“Take your time.” I plant myself in the rusty lawn chair. “I’ll just be out here enjoying the view.”
3
Kat
I’m not sure pink is still my favorite color, but I’m so happy Lev brought the scarf back. It’s worn, the yarn coming apart in places, but I don’t care. When I wear it, I feel safe.
“He’s cute,” Rachel says, waggling her eyebrows.
I pass her and head to my bedroom, trying to suppress my excitement. “I guess.”
She follows me in. “You guess? I saw how you were looking at him. And how he was looking at you.”